Replies to Spam Comments #1

SpamI’m sure we’ve all had a few spam comments appear on our blogs from time to time, and luckily the spam filter on WordPress is good enough to block all of them. I’ve found as my blog has grown in views, the spam comments have grown exponentially, now doubling my normal comments in number. And, more importantly, some of them are really quite funny and entertaining.

So, even though I delete them and will continue to do so, I thought it would be fun to pretend to reply to them, by posting the spam comment and my pretend replies on here. I’ll only post a few for now, with more to come later. Enjoy!

Comment 1:

From Yeast Infection No More (seriously? Where do they get these names):
“You, my pal, ROCK! I found exactly the explanation I already searched everywhere and simply couldn’t find it. What a great site.”

My reply:
“Dear Yeast Infection No More,
Thank you for your kindness regarding my ability to rock, or possibly my awesomeness – you didn’t really elaborate upon this so I’ll just make assumptions. I’m glad you found the explanation you searched everywhere for, were you playing a game of Hide and Seek with it perhaps? How fun.
Yours unyeastily, A Small Rock”

Comment 2:

From Find Out More:
“Howdy! I know this is somewhat off topic but I was wondering which blog platform are you using for this site? I’m getting sick and tired of WordPress because I’ve had issues with hackers and I’m looking at alternatives for another platform. I would be great if you could point me in the direction of a good platform.”

My Reply:
“Dear F. O. More,
Did you even pay attention to the web address of this very site upon which you choose to scribble your unobservant ramblings? Clearly not. Also, if you used to blog, surely it would be easy for an internet savvy person such as yourself to find another blogging platform, of which there are many. There are many clever websites which can assist in your quest, namely Google, Google, Google, Yahoo I guess, and Google.
Yours sincerely, Knows More Than You”

Comment 3:

From Spider Solitaire Freeware:
“my brother has a gambling challenge and he just burned a thousand bucks in 1 night-”

My Reply:
“Dear SS Freeware,
Why did he do that? He’s not very good at gambling if he just sets fire to the money – did you explain to him that’s not how it all works? That is a ridiculous amount of money to set fire to, as well. What a silly person.
Yours disappointingly, Money Extinguisher.”

Comment 4:

From San Antonio Bail Bonds:
“I like this net blog extremely considerably so significantly great data. “It’s a poor sort of memory that only operates backward.” by Lewis Carroll.”

My Reply:
“Dear SABB,
Thank you, I also like my blog extremely considerably so significantly. Matters of the memory always contribute to interesting debate by various experts in the field, but I don’t really see what this has to do with your comment or Lewis Carroll. I thought the idea of quotes was to keep them relevant to the topic at hand? Of course, I have been wrong about these things before. But I’m probably right about this.
Yours quotefully, Abraham “You can never trust quotes on the internet” Lincoln”

Comment 5:

From Hockey Jersey:
“Utterly written topic material , Truly enjoyed hunting through .”

My Reply:
“Dear H Jersey,
My topic material is “utterly written” you say? Not a bit written, or mostly written, but utterly written? And all this time I thought I was just drawing things, but it turns out those things I was drawing were letters which then went on to form words, sentences, paragraphs – entire worlds in fact developed from these tiny little pictures. What a stunning revelation for me. I always wanted to know I was utterly writing.
Yours utterly, Written”

Okay, that’ll be enough for now. I expect I’ll do this again sometime soon!

16 thoughts on “Replies to Spam Comments #1

  1. I get those spam messages too..pretty much the exact same thing. I always roll my eyes when I see them, but versions of comment 4 always crack me up…just a string of words put together..

  2. Very funny! There was a time when I received several angry spam messages, curses and all. It was baffling but amusing, though I think they were automatically deleted by the system after some time. Most that get are a mix of comments 3 and 5 — they hardly make any sense at all.

    • Thank you, hahaha! 🙂
      Yeah, I occasionally get angry ones. At the moment I keep getting this one that claims that they just wrote this long comment but then it didn’t send and now they’re annoyed and blah blah blah – I keep getting it! But the majority are completely nonsensical, as you say. 😛

  3. Your replies are so funny. We read these things just in case that faithful spam filter makes a mistake (but it doesn’t ever seem to) and the same patterns start to emerge! You’ve really caught their mix of nonsense and fake observations so well 🙂

    • Thank you, I’m glad you found my replies entertaining. 🙂
      Interestingly, I have found the filter has made a mistake before. I noticed it happened to the same people each time too, and continued for a couple of weeks each time. But yes, it very rarely makes a mistake on the whole.

  4. Pingback: Replies to Spam Comments #2 | Wanton Creation

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