Replies to Spam Comments #2

If you don’t know what I’m doing or why I’m doing it, look at this first post in this series. Otherwise, read on for more replies to spam comments.

Comment 1

From Marvella:
“I appreciate, lead to I discovered just what I was previously having a search for. You’ve ended my four day lengthy hunt! God Bless a person man. Have a fantastic day. Bye”

My Reply:
“Marvella, out of curiosity, what is it you were ‘previously having a search for’? A four day lengthy hunt is quite lengthy, and too lengthy not to illuminate me as to what it was, but just to suggest that you found a thing. I mean, I could write to you and tell you I found a thing, but I don’t.
Yours blessedly, Person Man.”

Comment 2

From Prasouda:
“You produced some decent points there. I looked on the internet for that issue and located most individuals goes along with along along with your internet website.

My Reply:
“Most individuals goes along with along along? Go home, you’re drunk.
Yours along, Along Along.”

Comment 3

From Code de la Route:
“Rattling good information can be found on blog . “I don’t know what will be used in the next world war, but the 4th will be fought with stones.” by Albert Einstein.”

My Reply:
“Dear CDLR, what constitutes ‘rattling good information’? Is it information so good it causes a small earthquake entirely within the place the information is being consumed? Is it information accompanied by a small band who use only rattling instruments like, I don’t know, a maraca? Or maybe the completely random and out of context quote by Einstein is the rattling information? Speaking of which, do you know that person from the last spam comments post I made? Maybe you two are philosophical buddies or something?
Yours rattlingly, Not A Philosopher”

Comment 4

From Related Site:
“choice. Anyhow; in case you might be a youthful driver along with new on the road existence, then it is possible to definitely horn”

My Reply:
“horned on the road existence once, but I wasn’t a youthful driver at the time, and I didn’t feel a need to finish my”

Comment 5

From Free Background
“Today, while I was at work, my cousin stole my iPad and tested to see if it can survive a 25 foot drop, just so she can be a youtube sensation. My apple ipad is now destroyed and she has 83 views. I know this is entirely off topic but I had to share it with someone!”

My Reply:
“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I know that was entirely mean, but I just had to laugh at someone.
Yours laughingly, HAHAHAHAHA.”

Comment 6

From Read This:
“Now, whilst I had been at finish the same job, my brother stole my personal iphone and also tested to determine if it may possibly endure a thirty ft . drop, just consequently she can be a youtube experience. My ipad by apple is now broken and she gets 83 landscapes. I’m sure this can be entirely away subject nevertheless I necessary to share it with somebody!”

My Reply:
“Hey, you’ve just plagiarised Free Background, but written it in terrible English. You know plagiarism is bad, right? Like, you should go sit in the naughty corner and hang your head in shame. Also, you are speaking of your brother but then said “she gets 83 landscapes”…first of all nobody gets 83 landscapes, how greedy, and secondly, go apologise to your brother for calling him a girl. Then apologise to everybody for using any gender in a derogatory manner, you thoughtless person.
After you’ve done this, go away.
Yours unplagiarised, Eleventy Landscapes Strong.”

Okay, I’m done for a while on these spam comments, I think. If anybody has spam comments they would like me to reply to, though, feel free to leave them as a comment on here! 

Replies to Spam Comments #1

SpamI’m sure we’ve all had a few spam comments appear on our blogs from time to time, and luckily the spam filter on WordPress is good enough to block all of them. I’ve found as my blog has grown in views, the spam comments have grown exponentially, now doubling my normal comments in number. And, more importantly, some of them are really quite funny and entertaining.

So, even though I delete them and will continue to do so, I thought it would be fun to pretend to reply to them, by posting the spam comment and my pretend replies on here. I’ll only post a few for now, with more to come later. Enjoy!

Comment 1:

From Yeast Infection No More (seriously? Where do they get these names):
“You, my pal, ROCK! I found exactly the explanation I already searched everywhere and simply couldn’t find it. What a great site.”

My reply:
“Dear Yeast Infection No More,
Thank you for your kindness regarding my ability to rock, or possibly my awesomeness – you didn’t really elaborate upon this so I’ll just make assumptions. I’m glad you found the explanation you searched everywhere for, were you playing a game of Hide and Seek with it perhaps? How fun.
Yours unyeastily, A Small Rock”

Comment 2:

From Find Out More:
“Howdy! I know this is somewhat off topic but I was wondering which blog platform are you using for this site? I’m getting sick and tired of WordPress because I’ve had issues with hackers and I’m looking at alternatives for another platform. I would be great if you could point me in the direction of a good platform.”

My Reply:
“Dear F. O. More,
Did you even pay attention to the web address of this very site upon which you choose to scribble your unobservant ramblings? Clearly not. Also, if you used to blog, surely it would be easy for an internet savvy person such as yourself to find another blogging platform, of which there are many. There are many clever websites which can assist in your quest, namely Google, Google, Google, Yahoo I guess, and Google.
Yours sincerely, Knows More Than You”

Comment 3:

From Spider Solitaire Freeware:
“my brother has a gambling challenge and he just burned a thousand bucks in 1 night-”

My Reply:
“Dear SS Freeware,
Why did he do that? He’s not very good at gambling if he just sets fire to the money – did you explain to him that’s not how it all works? That is a ridiculous amount of money to set fire to, as well. What a silly person.
Yours disappointingly, Money Extinguisher.”

Comment 4:

From San Antonio Bail Bonds:
“I like this net blog extremely considerably so significantly great data. “It’s a poor sort of memory that only operates backward.” by Lewis Carroll.”

My Reply:
“Dear SABB,
Thank you, I also like my blog extremely considerably so significantly. Matters of the memory always contribute to interesting debate by various experts in the field, but I don’t really see what this has to do with your comment or Lewis Carroll. I thought the idea of quotes was to keep them relevant to the topic at hand? Of course, I have been wrong about these things before. But I’m probably right about this.
Yours quotefully, Abraham “You can never trust quotes on the internet” Lincoln”

Comment 5:

From Hockey Jersey:
“Utterly written topic material , Truly enjoyed hunting through .”

My Reply:
“Dear H Jersey,
My topic material is “utterly written” you say? Not a bit written, or mostly written, but utterly written? And all this time I thought I was just drawing things, but it turns out those things I was drawing were letters which then went on to form words, sentences, paragraphs – entire worlds in fact developed from these tiny little pictures. What a stunning revelation for me. I always wanted to know I was utterly writing.
Yours utterly, Written”

Okay, that’ll be enough for now. I expect I’ll do this again sometime soon!

Blog Tag!

A couple of weeks ago I was tagged in a game of Blog Tag by 12 Novels in 12 Months, a very inspiring blog for those who write, and frankly, I would imagine for those who don’t write, too. This looks like a lot of fun, so here goes!

The Rules:

1. I must post the rules
2. I must answer the questions the tagger listed for me
3. I must create (or reuse (I’m going to create though (oh look I can keep doing this all day (weeee)))) 11 questions for those I tag
4. I must tag 11 people
5. I must let them know they’ve been tagged

So, quite simple, and they make great use of the number 11 (a number which will always remind me of the film This Is Spinal Tap).

The Questions (that I’m answering):

1. If you could re-live a moment in your life when would you choose and why?

Probably when that genie appeared and granted me wishes, and I spent them all getting a bathtub full of yoghurt. I became sick of it after only a few spoons. I guess I wouldn’t re-live any moments in my life, because they have all contributed to who I am today and where I’m going, and to change any of them in any way might change my present self too. I don’t particularly regret things, at least not in the long term. I often wish I could go back and re-do some of the courses I did in the earlier parts of my university life (I started when I was only 17, and was somewhat distracted by the usual things 17 year old boys are distracted by – girls and alcohol). But I much prefer teaching myself things in my own time now, anyway.

2. What is your first happiest memory?

When I built a ladder to the moon and met Thomas The Tank Engine up there and he was wearing a sombrero and Even though I’m only in my twenties, my memory of my childhood is pretty vague. But I seem pretty happy in a lot of my childhood photos, especially the ones where I was just naked for no apparent reason, so I suspect there’s a trend there.

3. If you could have dinner with 3 dead historical figures who would you choose?

King Edward III of England (so I could continue my story about him), Shakespeare (so I could find out more about his writing process), and George Harrison (because he was cool).

4. After a long, difficult day, what is your favourite way to unwind?

A cup of coffee, and either a good book, relaxing music, or watching something funny on television (often a funny series or stand up comedy does the trick). Or if it’s a Friday, wine or cider. Or hanging out with friends. Or cooking an awesome meal. I think essentially it all involves food and drink, and doing something to take my mind off things.

5. What is your favourite singer/band to listen to while writing?

I don’t really have  a specific favourite while I’m writing – it just depends entirely on my mood. For anybody interested, right now I’m listening to the album Draw The Line by David Gray, which is quite a relaxing album and maybe a good example of the sort of music I do listen to while writing.

6. If you sold your novel for 100,000 (dollar/Euro/Pound/etc.) what would you do with your advance?

Hold onto it while laughing maniacally that some silly sausage actually paid money for it. Probably travel.

7. What did you want to be when you were little?

A writer, a teacher, and a ninja turtle. I can safely tick off two of these, now. I am yet to become a writer though. Actually in all seriousness I could tick all three off…I have photo evidence somewhere that I’m a ninja turtle. No it is not a childhood photo. I REGRET NOTHING.

8. What is one thing that you need with you when you write (on your desk, on your body, etc.)?

Oxygen. Duh, what kind of a  A drink and a well rested imagination (lately a severe lack of quality sleep has made it difficult to write).

9. Would you rather write using a computer, typewriter or pen and paper and why?

I haven’t written with a typewriter yet, though I’d love to buy an old one and fix it up and get it working again. As for the old computer versus pen and paper debate, for me it depends what I’m writing – generally I write poetry and squiggle down ideas with pen and paper, but short stories, novellas and novels I tend to write on my laptop.

10. What are 3 things that invariably make you smile?

Family, friends, other people smiling (including strangers…ever had a stranger smile at you and just not been able to help but smile back?).

11. What does your favourite colour remind you of?

Puddles. The ocean’s roar. Also a quote from the second series of Blackadder, when Edmund is listening to Percy compare the shades of blue of the ocean and sky, and he responds “So what you’re trying to tell me, Percy, is that something you have never seen is slightly less blue than something else you have never seen?”

The blogs (I’m tagging):

Mywithershins

Green Paw-Paw

The Tiger’s Eye

Enchanted By Books

Robin Coyle

Sarahjanelives

Books Speak Volumes

Lea At Sea

Bitsnbooks

Obscured Dreamer

A.J.Jenner

The Questions (I’m asking):

1. What is your name?

2. What is your quest?

3. What is the air-speed velocity of a swal

1. What is your favourite recipe (as in, what food does it make – you don’t have to provide the ingredients and method (unless you really want to))?

2. What is your favourite thing to spend money on?

3. What time of day do you read/write the most?

4. Do you prefer summer or winter, and why?

5. What is your favourite holiday destination?

6. What is the best book/film/album you’ve read/watched/heard this year so far?

7. If you could be anybody for just a day, who would it be and why?

8. If you could have one superpower, what would it be and why?

9. What’s your favourite Olympic event (oooh topical)?

10. What were your best and worst subjects at school?

11. What’s one thing you want to learn before you die (e.g. a musical instrument, a language, how to perform brain surgery, e.t.c.)?

Well, that’s it folks, hope you enjoyed this little game! I actually had fun writing it (and being silly, in case you didn’t notice).