Political quotes from The Simpsons

It’s election night here in Australia. The results are coming to an end, the government has officially changed, we have a new Prime Minister and approximately half the country are absolutely outraged by it, as is often the way. But I’m not interested in blogging about politics, and never really have been.

So I’ve decided we all need a really good laugh, and after struggling to find enough funny quotes from real politicians, I thought I’d look elsewhere…enjoy!

  • Bart Simpson: “Didn’t you wonder why you were getting checks for doing absolutely nothing?”
    Grampa Simpson: “I figured because the democrats were in power again.”
  • “Ironic, isn’t it Smithers? This anonymous clan of slack-jawed troglodytes has cost me the election, and yet if I were to have them killed, I would be the one to go to jail. That’s democracy for you.” –Mr. Burns
  • “An election!? That’s one of those deals where they close the bars isn’t it?” –Barney Gumble
  • “Lisa, if you don’t like your job, you don’t strike: you just go in every day and do it really half assed. That’s the American way.” –Homer Simpson
  • Krusty the Clown, announcing his candidacy for Congress: “Gentlemen, I am your candidate. There’s just one thing. Are you guys any good at covering up youthful, middle aged indiscretions?”
    Mr. Burns: “Are these indiscretions romantic, financial or treasonous?”
    Krusty: “Russian hooker, you tell me.”
    Burns: “We’ll say you were on a fact finding mission.”
  • Grampa: “Dear Mr. President, there are too many states nowadays. Please eliminate three. P.S. I am not a crackpot.”

By the way, yes, I am aware these are to do with American politics, but they’re still funny. Probably the best place to laugh at Australian politics specifically (apart from just watching it all) is the likes of television shows Gruen Nation, The Hamster Decides, and Mad As Hell (all of which I imagine are online somewhere – the Mad As Hell clip on the different broadband schemes is hilarious).

Also, I might just add now that I’m not going to have any real political discussion on my blog, because I’ve been doing enough of that on Twitter and that’s not really what my blog is about, hence some funny quotes (as my blog is about, among other things, comedy). So feel free to comment as always, but just keep in mind I’m not really planning on talking about politics much more (but of course I will reply to comments as I always do).

Hope all my fellow Australians are managing to enjoy their evening one way or another, and hope everyone else around the world is having a good weekend!

Mugshots (dedicated to coffee)

When I say “close friends”, I am not referring to actual people, but am in fact talking about mugs. Why? Because let’s face it, if you’re going to be a writer, you probably need to take up coffee drinking at some point (or at the very least, tea drinking), and even if you don’t write but enjoy reading, you’ll probably know nothing beats the feeling of sitting down with a good book and a cuppa.

However, the purpose of this post isn’t to discuss any deep and profound philosophies of drinking coffee, but rather to show you some photos of some of my favourite mugs from which I drink this life-saving liquid. It has occurred to me recently that I collect mugs (it takes me a while to realise I’ve started collecting something else, as I tend to collect collections of things), and this revelation was mostly caused due to a distinct lack of space in my kitchen cupboards. At any rate, I won’t show you all of them, but just a few of my favourites (and I’ll explain along the way why I like them so much).

Enjoy! And maybe make a cuppa for yourself while you’re at it…

A mug of George Orwell’s classic Nineteen Eighty-Four. Readers who have followed my blog since the early days (i.e. January, February), will remember I also have a similar one of F. Scott Fitzgerald’s The Great Gatsby.

On the left, a mug of The Beatles, with the pattern from the album A Hard Day’s Night. On the right, a mug of Led Zeppelin, featuring the cover of their first, self-titled album (the back of the album cover is on the other side of the mug), along with the four symbols along the bottom that featured on later albums. Both of these bands share the prestigious position of being my favourite band.

On the left: “Keep Calm And Have A Cuppa”. On the right: “No coffee, no workee!” Two good philosophies to live by, I think. Yes I have used the mug on the right at work before, just for a bit of fun.

On the left: “D’oh for it” with a picture on the back of Homer running. On the right: “I couldn’t agree more with whatever you said!” also with a picture of Homer. What can I say – I like The Simpsons. Always have, too.

Yes, this is a mug shaped to have bits of liquorice allsorts decorating the outside and sticking out. This photo doesn’t show it, but this mug is actually enormous, so I tend to use it for hot chocolate mostly.

To finish off this post, some coffee quotes I like:

“The morning cup of coffee has an exhilaration about it which the cheering influence of the afternoon or evening cup of tea cannot be expected to reproduce.” – Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.

“As soon as coffee is in your stomach, there is a general commotion. Ideas begin to move…similes arise, the paper is covered. Coffee is your ally and writing ceases to be a struggle.” – Honore de Balzac (1799-1859)

“Coffee makes us severe, and grave, and philosophical.” – Jonathan Swift

“Sleep is a symptom of caffeine deprivation.” – Author Unknown

“Deja Brew: The feeling that you’ve had this coffee before.” – Author Unknown

“Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat.” – Alex Levine

Are you a coffee or a tea drinker? Do you depend on it for reading/writing, or is it just a nice way to relax?